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  Bush Administration's Bright Shiny Object Fascinates Americans
  Coffee Addict Denies Sleeping Problem
  Media To Retire Facts, Journalistic Standards
  Cancer Reasearcher Turns Off News Whenever Cancer Talked About
  Americans Surprised to Learn of Upcoming Election
  Ford Testifies to Stop Ride Sharing
  Terror Alert: Man Captured with Necessary Components to Make Nuclear Bomb
  Blind Kid Sorry He Masturbated
  Students Light Cigarettes Ablaze in Tobacco Protest
  Arthur Andersen to Shift Business Focus
  Publisher Cleared in Pop-Up Book Trial
  Daschle Proposes Restrictions on Box Cutters
  Government Offers More Specific Warnings
  Bush Threatens ISO Certification on Taliban
  Anthrax Outbreak Spawns Reports of Megadeth, Pantera
  Atheist Still Unconvinced After Meeting With God
  Texas Votes to Spare Retarded Killers
  Local Paper Gives Bad Heads
  Protesters Clash in Portland
  Hillary Clinton Voted "Best Dressed" by Senate
  Geek's Report on Monty Python Earns a Beating
  Bush Tells Childhood Bully, "This Army!"
  Thinking About Exercise Keeps You Fit
  Astronomers Discover Another Blob in Space
  Dreamcastless Search for Hope
  Supreme Court Just Kidding, Reverses Decision
  Reagan Requests Recount in Minnesota
  Manuel Recount Tired of All the Election Jokes
  Scientists Uncover "People Who Buy This Crap"
  "Got Acid?" PETA Slams Toad Lickers
  Vote Dodgers Flee to Canada
  Bush Plan will Simplimify Keg Purchases
  Microsoft Execs Win Nobel Prize in Monopolies
  Gore Plan Supplies Drugs to Seniors
  Drunken Night Ends in DeCSS Tattoo, Jail
  Betty Ford Drinks to Husband's Health
  Government to Distribute Souls to Spammers
  Jealous Californians Fail in Wildfire Attempt
  Slug Bug Purists Say New Bug Ruining Game
  Office Jesus Turns Water Into Coffee
  Moral Dilemma Resolved With Tequila
  Kentucky Legalizes Sister-Brother Civil Unions
  Operation: Silver Spoons
  NRA: Flag Burning Bad, Flag Shooting OK
  Clinton Proposes Money for "Smart Gun" Development
  PETA Members Shown Food Chain - Disband
  We Want Bush! We Want Gore!
  Elian Gonzalez to be Split in Half
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